The Thrill of my life

 It was a very sunny February day, at school. The birds were singing, and the trees were swaying by the slight wind. Everyone in my 4th-grade class was happily learning, except me. I had something big on my mind. Something nerve-racking. Every second that passed, my nervousness went up. By lunchtime, I thought I would explode. 

As we were nearing the end of the day, I was excused to go to the theater to change and practice my violin piece I was performing one last time. I changed into a black tux, ran to the practice rooms, and immediately started practicing my piece. 

What I had spent more than 4 months of hard practice on sounded like crap. My A minor scale was completely messed up, and my intonation and bowing were completely off. What was supposed to be 30 minutes of practice time felt like 30 seconds. 

Before I knew it, I was back in the small dimly lit cold backstage room. It smelt like burnt wood. There was a FOFA spotlight brochure on the table, so I decided to read the message from the organizer, to desperately try to get my mind off the pressure coming. 

There was also a small TV in the room, where they were live-streaming the event, and everyone before my performance was amazing. They all sounded really good.

After watching 5 performances, it was my turn. My palms were really sweating like I was made up of water. I walked out to the stage, my heart ponding. This was the moment. I felt my body vibrating, like a mad electric toothbrush. I heard my name from the announcing people on the stage. There was no turning back now. I had to do this. My mind was racing through all the possible outcomes of this. Maybe I would do it really well. But maybe I would completely fail and embarrass myself in front of hundreds of people, and YouTube. 

I felt a sudden rush in me, that gave me the courage to walk out onto the stage, in front of many people, and play my piece. So that I did. As I walked out, I heard my family, friends, and schoolmates cheering for me. I heard someone shout my name. With this added confidence but added nervousness, I went out. 

As I held my violin up to my chin, and my bow ready to play, there was dead silence. No one spoke a word. This scared me, and for a moment I hesitated and had a thought of just leaving and running 1000 miles straight to the woods where no one would find me, but I made myself not to, and to just try. To try my best. So I started. I was much faster than I did in practice; I felt like the wind. I felt like I entered another dimension of the world, where I could just play on and on, and no one would stop me. I went on and on, faster and faster, until the end. I wasn’t able to hear myself play the last note. 

As I was thinking of why, I felt myself being sucked back to the normal world, like from a vacuum cleaner to a little piece of paper. I realized that everyone was cheering, and clapping, like fireworks.  For me. I was very proud. 

As I walked back into the back of the stage with my piano accompanist Ms. Yamashita, I had a weird feeling that kept circling around in me. It was as if it was a normal day, and that nothing had just happened. I slowly walked into the theater’s seating area to watch everyone else play. I understood the pressure and scariness of being up there, so I hoped that everyone else would do a good job.

I felt like I had a different view of the world, after being the most nervous but confident and proud I had ever been in my life. 

Here is the link to the actual performance:  https://youtu.be/MrGztcnOmpE